OMG, people are crazy!
I went out to the grocery store last night after posting to get some veggies and lunchmeat and the store was like something out of a bad disaster movie.
Picture this. The parking lot is jammed with cars and trucks totally ignoring the spaces. They’re lined up at the curb, sitting in the aisles, parked sideways—total douche bags. There are people running, yes running, to get into the market while others are rolling out with shopping carts stacked three feet high with bags of groceries, cases of water, and toilet paper.
I snagged a cart and made my way inside. Half the people in there looked like their eyes were going to pop out of their heads. They staggered through the aisles, wide-eyed, looking at everything on the shelves and tossing random things into their cart. It was obvious that some of them just wanted to buy stuff, they didn’t have a plan. Didn’t these idiots actually listen to the governor? The grocery stores are going to remain open, it’s not like they have to hoard supplies for the next year. The store will get more products in a few days.
Calm the hell down you idiots! OK, I wanted to scream that at the shoppers but I controlled my baser instincts and kept quiet. Don’t think that everyone was out of control, there were people like me wandering the aisles calmly shopping. We all seemed to instinctively recognize each other as not being panic monkeys. Every mellow person nodded a greeting and occasionally exchanged a few words, usually amounting to, “This is crazy isn’t it?”.
And the aisles, OMFG. I knew that people were over buying toilet paper and water before the governor opened his big mouth but now—the soda and water aisle had a couple of overpriced imported water brands (I guess people weren’t desperate enough to pay $5 for a quart of French bubbly water) and the weird store brand sodas like pineapple and Doctor Trouble which nobody ever buys anyway. Otherwise, everything was gone.
I managed to score half a dozen of the remaining bags of frozen veggies that weren’t brussle sprouts or pearl onions but the paper product aisle actually brought me to a halt. Normally this aisle has hundreds of brands of toilet paper, paper towels, tissues, wipes, all kinds of paper stuff. Today it was empty. Empty! The shelves were bare, front to back and a few were knocked off their mounts and drooped downward as if depressed at the loss of their precious cargo. The only thing I found in the entire aisle was a pocket-sized pack of travel facial tissues. I’m not proud, I scooped it up and tossed it into my mostly empty cart. I’ve only got four rolls of toilet paper at home, if I run out at least I’ll have tissues.
What am I thinking, of course, I won’t run out. The stores will be open. It’s just a matter of waiting out the idiots and when the next shipment comes in I’ll stock up.
The panic monkeys are going to feel really stupid in thirty days when this is all over and they’re stuck with a year’s supply of toilet paper and canned goods that they don’t even like.
I didn’t get everything I wanted but at least I got some things and only spent $12. BTW—minor brag—I managed to snag the last pack of hot dogs in the store. I beat some fat guy to it by less than a second. Sometimes it pays to be thinner and faster.
Oh, I was right, the mall is closed for the duration of the quarantine. My store, Tee Time Tees (I’m working on a website so you can buy online), is closed until further notice.
Once again, if you have income and are reading this, help a brother out. Use this LINK to donate even one dollar so I can stay afloat during this quarantine.
Stay safe. Stay healthy, this is Joey saying goodnight for now.
